Im referring to dialogue that takes place in Christian subcultures, by the way. the value of honesty and vulnerability- which are, in fact, highly sought after values for believers- have increased in their worth of sacred meaning to the unfortunate extent of idolatry in some cases.
I’ve observed this first hand from personal experience in a ministry that placed these values on a pedestal. they were core values that laid the very foundation for our intentional community. then I watched as the infrastructure collapsed beneath my feet as heightened emotionalism toppled the practice of worshipping in Spirit and in truth.
I don’t speak these words lightly. it was the “all our welcome to share your deepest fears and hurts” invitation lived out with acceptance and grace that allowed for such great healing to take place in my own soul.
honest vulnerability is my companion on the road to emotional freedom. it was then. it still is now. I don’t resent these values whatsoever. I resent the failed systems and the individuals within who glamorized them beyond where they were meant to stand.
last night I watched a documentary of one of the most formative musicians of my lifetime. a man of immense sentimental value to me due to his soul ties to my family, especially those of whom are no longer with us. in the film he shares the flaws he sees within Christianity that led him to eventually walk away from the faith.
I recognized in the film how much the value of raw human transparency was at his core and the core of thousands of others listening to and admiring his songwriting. this was not a bad or disturbing thing. quite the opposite, as it was a breath of fresh air.
his personal house shows across the country, of which I’ve participated, carry a wind of intimacy like no other. in other words, you feel very much a normal human among other normal humans in a shared space. no embellishment or fraudulences. sincere interactions over a mutual love for the arts.
what I gathered from the film was, nonetheless, grief. not just because he hasn’t returned to the throne of grace, which I believe he someday will. it’s more than that. towards the very end, the musician states he refuses to name the greater power he admits he senses because of fear it will lead him into trouble.
those are deceptive feelings and fear driving him away from claiming the truth of Gods existence- the action that would draw him to perfect love personified, not to mention eternal life. so, not exactly a warm positive note to finish on for a Christian consumer.
but for other viewers who do not share my beliefs, I can imagine they are satisfied with his non-arrival because his honest vulnerability to himself did not fail along his spiritual journey stricken with trials + doubts. I can imagine these viewers and fans alike are satisfied because it empowers them to do the same- to endure even when questions arise.
if this part of vulnerability and being honest with himself within his story is more an antidote to his negative experiences in religion than actual restorative healing from faith in Christ, i personally
cannot be much else but grieved in sorrow.
–
who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of being honest with ourselves? it is freeing is it not? I tell you the truth, I’m feeling freed as I write these words organically in honest raw form while processing bits and pieces of my own life.
however, there is nothing more backfiring than to misbelieve that being honest with yourself is always what it says it is. there’s an underlying principle that boils down to your stripped thoughts of self and flesh.
many of us either believe (1) that we’re morally good and can achieve this on our own strength. that our wrongdoings and mistakes in life are of no eternal consequence or (2) that we are incapable of attaining the measure of moral goodness and holiness in the sight of God recorded in His law, thus falling short and in severe need of grace in our depraved, dark and sinful state.
this is the distinction between deliberate sinners and delivered saints.
if you align with the latter, you’ll understand more so what I’m about to say and that is that your flesh being true and honest to itself is equivalent to your heart deceiving yourself (Jer. 17:9). the unregenerate heart tells itself many things but by no means does a gut feeling means it’s a truthful feeling.
I do trust and believe, however, that a new heart given by Christ, sprinkled and cleansed with his sanctifying blood, led by His Spirit is a heart that when being true to itself will choose the righteous godly thing. it will not seek to betray itself through deceit or false hope. an unrepentant, unregenerate heart is a different story.
it is the prayer of my heart that the value of honest vulnerability rediscovers its proper place beneath the Lordship of Jesus Christ. He was and is the perfect picture of magnificent vulnerability as He was laid out naked on a cross bearing the sin + shame of the world.
He who withheld nothing.
But gave everything.
vulnerability when exercised correctly and genuinely breaks down the dam of inhibitions and fear and allows for surging rivers of healing and freedom. might I say that being honest and vulnerable is a sidekick to humbly acknowledging we are in need of salvation- directing us towards confession and repentance.
it’s a picture of Christ’s atonement.
when that dam of darkness breaks, it releases
the flood of sacrificial blood cleansing
sick sinners and setting the oppressed free.
–r.w
Waltz The Writer 